Lavender Shit, by Karl Pilkington
There's a reason, see, why nature is its own smell, or rather, has it smells the way they are.
Originally written in 2015
An imagined quote from Karl Pilkington, on walking his dog and using lavender-scented poop bags.
What I mean is, like, there's no point, really, for what 'ey do. It's just shit, why does it need all 'is on top of it? What's the matter with the smell, you know, just bein' itself, is all? There's a reason, see, why nature is its own smell, or rather, has it smells the way they are. It selected them, naturally. Alright? So why try to put two smells together, when nature has no reason in its mind to ever have those two smells together? It would never! Right. So now my soaps 'n all that Susanne gets, they're ruined to me. She says, you know, for dinner or whatever - wash up - and I'm all - no, don't want me 'ands smellin' of dog shit.